Confessions
of <Insert Child’s Name> Mom
You’ve
probably heard it said “Just you wait until you’re a parent someday!” Well
according to my mom, I was a “little sweetheart” (that’s actually what she
called me) who according to her rarely needed disciplined. Fast forward 32
years, and now as a mother of two boys (ages 3 & 4) there are some days
when I just ask “Why Lord?” “Why do I have the challenging child? This doesn't seem fair!” For instance, it may or not be my child that when I take him to a
class with his peers he’s the one who is running circles around the room
instead of sitting for story time, and who hits, or throws a tantrum – or runs
away on your way out thinking it was the perfect time to play “Hide – and Mommy
Can’t Seek”. And you finally find him on the other side of the building as he
is laughing and thinking that was such great fun. And you are dragging said
child out of the building screaming, along with his brother also screaming, and
not looking up because you just want to get to the van and drive away. And then a few days later, he is the child who runs in front of a truck on the street as you are yelling, then screeching "STOP!" And you get home shaking only to have him try to climb over the top of the stairway's banister head first.
But I have
finally come to the place, with the Lord’s help, to see that if I did have that
“perfect” child it would be so easy to become prideful and look at others
and say “Well, what is she doing wrong?” Instead, I am continually humbled by
my child(ren) and instead I choose to be thankful that I have the challenging
child who pushes and tests each and every boundary because I realize I cannot
do this on my own. I need the Lord’s strength, patience and LOVE to flow
through me each and every day. And I need to trust the Lord with my children's safety as well. I do my very best as a mother to keep them from harm's way, but ultimately I have to commit them into the Lord's hands because He has kept them safe even when I was a few feet behind.
Don’t get me
wrong, there are precious, sweet moments I share with my boys that melt my
heart and remind me that this is why I absolutely love being a mom. Moments when
they come up to me and say “Mommy, I love you!” and give me a big hug.
But too often
I let those frustrating moments overshadow it all. The days when I have had to
discipline my child for the same thing, for the 20th time in the past
two hours, where I feel overwhelmed and insufficient as a mom. So slowly, over
the past couple months, ok maybe weeks, ok maybe days, instead of reacting in anger by yelling
or just throwing my hands up in frustration and just “surviving” to the end of
the day, I have been doing my best to first and foremost turn to my Savior and
be so in love with Him that those things that I have been yearning for and
trying to do on my own “love, joy, patience, kindness, self-control” have flowed much more easily – but only with the power and fruit of the Spirit.
So if
you are feeling overwhelmed, insufficient as a mom, or maybe feeling like you
have it all together but still feel empty inside, maybe it’s time to be quiet, open the
Word and let His Love Flood In.
Galatians 5:22-23
“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
